Bring the Annoyance

Hey guys....guys...hey....hey...HEY! Okay you will only get this after you watch these little gems. I got introduced to the Annoying Orange this grand holiday season. There are only 4 episodes so far but they have softened my wintry, resolute, doldrums. Hee hee doldrums. I like that word. For some reason, it always reminds me of the Alice in Wonderland Disney cartoon when Alice is all sad and wants to go home but the dog with the broom for a head and a tail ruins everything. He dang swept poor Alice' path clear away! What a selfish prick! I kid, I loved the Broom-Headed Dog. He was just doing his job...Geez.


And now for the the Annoying Orange. With his creepy grin and irritating laugh, one might pray for his premature demise. I don't. I love him. Orange ya glad noone ever eats him? Ugh. God-awful. Enjoy him...love him...hate him.









In other annoying orange news....

Best Love Advice Ever!

If you've never seen Fred and Sharon, well then you must. They are a kooky Canadian couple that provide free love advice to all the celebrities in Hollywood. And they do so using the latest in animation technology to boot. I dare you to find better animation and graphics!

Jennifer Aniston needs to hire these guys so she can land herself a relationship that sticks. She bothers me for some reason and I just can't put my finger on why. Maybe it's her endless array of ridiculously good movies. And would it kill her to play a role that doesn't involve a woman desperate to find love? She's only feeding into the stereotypes. Always a leading lady and never a bride. Ouch. I'm probably just jealous because I would kill to be Brad's ex-wife. Maybe Brangelina would adopt me and let me live in their pool house? I've got big plans....big plans I tells ya.

-Lolski

Frisky Pastor

Somebody was hitting the sacramental wine a little too vigorously...

Swedish mourners seek damages over 'drunk' pastor

A Swedish family is seeking damages of nearly 30,000 euros (£27,500) after a Protestant pastor performed a funeral service in an apparently drunk state, the Church of Sweden said on Friday.The pastor also raised eyebrows for apparently flirtatious behaviour towards the dead man's family members. He kissed the hand of the deceased's daughter and gave an exaggerated hug to the 20-year-old granddaughter, the family said in a letter to the former state church.

"Everything seemed to go perfectly well until this pastor came in mumbling for 30 minutes," the family said in the letter, complaining that he had alcohol on his breath. "Nobody, among his servers or in the audience, understood what he was saying."

"The first thing we will now remember thinking about our loved one is the drunk pastor," they added.

Apart from the 300,000 kronor (£27,500) the family also asked for a refund of the funeral expenses.

The Church of Sweden, which ceased to be a state church in 2000, confirmed to AFP that it had received the complaint, saying the issue was being investigated.

Source

See, this would be funny in another situation. But a funeral can put the breaks on the humor of a drunk pastor pretty fast. Poor granddaughter that got the "exaggerated" hug. Ewww, many a lady have experienced this ambitious and overzealous hug from a pervy, elderly gentleman. It's not pleasant. You are left wondering "Did that just happen?". We need one of these for this very situation ladies. They'll think twice before they get frisky again!

Poor Gaga

Poor Lady Gaga...she got electrocuted at a recent show. Okay, maybe just electrocuted virtually via Youtube. I love Youtube user edits. They're my favorite. I love the way their minds work. It takes some time to put together a good edit and I just want to let all of you guys know that I appreciate your hard work. You can take a hammy performance by Gaga and turn it into a grand masterpiece. Here are a couple of my other favorite edits: Full House, Star Trek. And this edit showcases the best parts of this amazingly awesome, Oscar-worthy movie.

-Lolski

Alcoholic Monkeys!

These poor little monkeys have taken a liking to the sauce. Who can blame them really? I love a good cocktail.

They're quick little buggers too! Let them try to take my cocktail away and they'll see they've met their match. I keep one eyeball on my booze at all times. I'm not gonna lie...these little guys remind me of people I know. I'm not naming any names hehe.

The Appendix that Cried Wolf...

So according to a recent news story, this poor dude got his appendix removed twice in the same month:

Mark Wattson, from Swindon, Wilts, had two appendectomies in a month after doctors failed to remove the appendix at the first attempt.

He claims that he lost his job because his employers did not believe that he needed to have the operation twice.

Mr Wattson, 35, had his first appendectomy on Tuesday, July 7, after being told that his appendix was the cause of abdominal pain he had suffered for several months.

He said that doctors informed him that the procedure had gone well. He was discharged the next day.

Yet a month later, Mr Wattson was taken to hospital after collapsing in Swindon town centre.

He was told by doctors at Great Western Hospital – where his original operation had taken place – that his appendix had burst and that he needed an emergency appendectomy.

He was readmitted for surgery and released following the second – successful – operation on August 9.

"I couldn't believe what I was hearing," Mr Wattson said. "I told these people I had my appendix out just four weeks earlier but there it was on the screen for all to see.

"I thought: 'What the hell did they slice me open for in the first place'?"

Source

What did they remove the first time you ask Mark? Excellent question. Somewhere a doctor is smacking his head and saying "Oooh...you said appendix. Right. See, I thought you said spleen. Spleen rhymes with mean and the patient was being mean to me before surgery. Oh dang...my memory trick didn't work at all. Shit, I always mess up on Fridays. Boy is my face red."

- Lolski

Clowns!... Clowns!.... Clowns!

Okay, be prepared to be creeped out. Think...dash of the IT clown mixed with a fresh dollup of Carrot Top. Sometimes I feel like the Internetz need to take a vacation for a few weeks. Like, it's time to put the breaks on this whole web 2.0 movement for a wee minute. Were these weirdos lurking about in the 1700's? Aaah... riiiight...they sure were. Case in point.

Okay, so it's not that creepy weirdies weren't around, they just didn't have a forum. Thanks Internet for giving us all a niche.

- Lolski

Okay... ummm... disturbing

What in tarnation were this kid's parent's thinking??? Since when do you give a 7 year old a pistol. Go ahead and paint me purple, but those bullets appear real. This is no potato gun folks. He seems to know how to load that thing like second nature, which implies alot of practice, which then implies WTF MOM and DAD? Did you get him started at 3? There's so many things wrong with this. You know what...I don't even need to go on a rant here. Common sense should be universal on this one. But alas, 'tis not. Two things can happen here...he grows up to be a law-abiding citizen and develops this childhood hobby for the good of all and becomes some type of peace officer. Or....ummm....yeah...you know the rest.

For the love of curly fries...guns and kids don't mix!

- Lolski

Crazy Dog with a Weird Phobia

So this is my parents neurotic dog. He has many odd phobias and is afraid of seemingly innocuous objects. This video depicts one of his many irrational fears...

- Lolski

The Cucumber Capers

This recent news item is a real whodunnit. I'm going to assume they have small backyards or live in apartments.

Adelaide cops baffled by cucumber thefts - August 12, 2009

A spate of cucumber thefts has Adelaide police in a pickle.

More than $10,000 worth of cucumbers have been stolen in 11 separate robberies in the past three months.

Thieves have targeted market gardens north of Adelaide, with police saying the latest robbery - of 50 bags of cucumbers - was reported from a glasshouse at Virginia at the weekend.

"The issue with the cucumber is how do you and I tell who owns a different cucumber?," SA Police Chief Inspector Kym Zander told ABC Radio on Wednesday.

"We're having difficulty establishing where they (the cucumbers) are going."

Source

It's the perfect crime...virtually traceless. If the thieves were really smart, they'd get into the upper echelons of vegetable marauding. We're talkin' avocados, organic cauliflower and grunions. Grunions are the rarest type of onions in the world. They are a hybrid of the yellow Spanish onion and the Argentinian Granadilla. They are sought after for their pungent flavors and aromatic skins. Okay all of that about the grunion was made up. I just like saying that word...grunion. In truth, not jest, the most expensive vegetable is said to be the asparagus because we only use the stems. That's one to grow on ;)

- Lolski

Best song and video in the World

This song will be sure to move quickly up the charts. I suspect it will win a Grammy in the near future. I could listen to it on repeat for hours. Little known fact: all songwriter's have cat shadow-writers. Virtually all music today is actually originally created by domesticated animals. All of Soulja Boy's music is composed by his shorthair tabby named "Supasoaka".

- Lolski

Another one to haunt your dreamscapes

If you thought the zebra man was creepy, the doberman will take you to new heights of bizarro land. It reminds me of one of those scary Egyptian Gods/Aliens from Stargate. No wonder these videos are tagged as "potentially" inappropriate on Youtube. This is a man that is "potentially" a serial killer. First he'll paint himself, then he'll say to you "It puts the paint on it's body or else it gets the hose again"...

- Lolski

So I Married An Eiffel Tower

I came across this video the other day in my daily internet rummaging. It's from a documentary about people that are in love with objects like buildings, bridges, national monuments. These people actually legally marry the buildings they are in love with. They call themselves Objectum Sexuals. There are two ladies that are both in love with the Berlin wall. I'd like to see how that cat fight plays out.

"He was mine first!"

"Get outta my way biotch, he's mine."

Then they both realize he's a deadbeat and no one wants him around anymore anyways and they move on to greener pastures like local Walmarts and McDonalds buildings. There's lots of their love to go around ladies.

- Lolski

I've dreamed of doing this...

This dude just did what I've always dreamed of doing during a meeting or job interview. Lmaoface.

- Lolski

Something out of my nightmares...

Okay I saw this and got so creeped out. It's like some type of zebra reverse centaur. This creeps me out almost as much as those dang centaurs in the Chronicle of Narnia movies. Okay fine, I admit it. I'm prejudiced against Mermen and the like. Stay in the sea Merman...stay in the sea....

- Lolski

Quantum Weirdness

Okay so I'm a nerd. I love science, technology etc. I read a lot about quantum theory. Some of that stuff will blow your mind. It will have your head spinning like a top. It will literally knock your keister off kilter. Okay enough of that.

If you don't know about the double-slit experiment (sounds dirty but it's not), then feast your eyes on this. Let Dr. Quantum break it down for ya...

- Lolski

Test your mastery of the Force

So speaking of psychics and whatnot...here's a link that you might find interesting if you wanna test your ESP skills. It's kind of cool because it does a z-test (which is something I use all the time for school). It's a statistical test that determine's whether your result is significant beyond chance blah-di-blah blah.

Click on the pics below to see the screenshots of my results. Anywho the tests showed that I have evidence for "Fair" psychokinesis and precognition.Sweet! Charles Xavier School for the Gifted here I come. Maybe Wolverine will date me if he's not still hung up on that Jean Grey b&%$%.

-Lolski

Gun Laws Shmun Laws

Dontcha just wish you could you could get a spanking new oozie to match your sexy lil' Chrysler? Lord knows I have dreamed of such a prospect. Alas, this is a dream no longer. One up and coming progressive gumshoe has beat us all to the punch.

BUTLER, Mo. -- Those purchasing a vehicle at Max Motors in Missouri will receive an AK-47 assault rifle with their purchase during the month of August. This is the second consecutive year the dealership has given away vouchers for a firearm as part of a sales promotion. The logo at Mark Muller's dealership is a nod to his feelings about guns - with an old west caricature pointing two pistols at those who pass by. He said it's a nod to what he calls "big city" ways. "We really are different than the big city dealers," Muller said.

Indeed. Pesky big city dealers are so dang cranky about silly concepts like "death" or "homicide". Bullets are just pretend boogermen that we dumb dumb adults make up to scare children and the elderly. Hee Haaaw...bring on the make-believe carnage. Monica Lolinsky.

-Lolski

It's my foooood.....

This guy knows where it's at. I've had a mind to do this for ages. I have visions of being kicked and dragged with spagetti all over my face and breaded shrimp falling out of my pockets.

OGDEN -- Weber State University police booked a man into jail on investigation of felony robbery after an apparently disastrous trip through the buffet line.
Campus officials said it happened Thursday at the Shepherd Union Building, where a buffet had been set up for competitors in an archery tournament. Police said Maurice Henry Glen Crichlow, 20, was spotted going through the line and confronted by a food services employee.
"He did not appear to be a member of the competition," WSU spokesman John Kowalewski said Friday. "This individual (the food services worker) approached the young man-this is the second time he'd been seen in the line that day-and informed him that if he wanted the food he needed to pay for the food."
Kowalewski said the man became belligerent, pushed the one worker and was immediately confronted by another food service worker.
"At that point this individual shoved, or pushed the second staff member and said, 'If you've got a problem with me, call police,'" Kowalewski said.
They did. Crichlow was ultimately arrested and booked into the Weber County Jail on investigation of second-degree felony robbery, disorderly conduct and interfering with an arrest.

-Lolski