The Resurrection of the ROFLs

Ummm...hi. I'm a shitty blogger person. I make blogs die. Well here's a Christmas miracle, I'm thinking of making this thing rise from the dead. My 2 readers will be really happy I bet.

I realized that I need to post or I let that little weird part of my brain run rampant and I start whispering to myself in 7-Eleven lineups whilst softly caressing my Perrier. Okay I lied, it wasn't Perrier. It was Sunny D. Look at me trying to act all fancy with Perrier, putting on airs. Anyways, all moms that serve the D after soccer practice are cool, admit it. Okay, you're just mad 'cause your mom served the "purple stuff" and you got bullied because of it.

There's been way too much funny shit happening on the internet lately to let it sit idly by. Just found this video, it actually forced me to do a post. She will rock you and Lord knows I've been thoroughly "rocked". She creates a story and whatever she's selling, I'm buying. Her version illustrates a tableau of rock and rebellion. She takes you down a long, mystical road and dazzles you with emotion. Go ahead and try to find a better personification of Queen, go ahead, try.



ROFLs out.

Nickledink Antidote

Those that know me know that I absolutely want to punch Chad Kroeger in the face. I hear his deep, guttural whine and I seriously lose my shit. Like geez, the guy has had a bowl cut through the better half of this decade. If his songs were actual physical entities, they'd have been challenged to a duel a long time ago. And my weapon of choice would be a the longest didgeridoo known to man. And we'd go back to back as is customary in duels, they'd begin to start walking, and I'd turn around and cheat before it was time and didgeridoo them right in the genitals. Yes, I said it.

Fun fact...someone once took the time to draw this.




I think their worst song is that dumb reminiscing about high school one. You know the one with the fantastical line "What the hell was on Joey's head?". Oh that's right. It was called Photograph. Deep guys. Song's about looking back in the past. Oooh, let's call it photograph. Oh and let's make sure we rhyme that with laugh. Chad, you better stop cooking up those whimsical lines or you're liable to put Jay-Z out of business.

So with all this Dinkleback hatred I have, of course I would enjoy this genius mash-up. It's like a Chad Kroeger palate cleanser. Niiiice. Can't embed it here and you'll see why...so to see it click Chad's goofy face below.

Poor Gaga

Poor Lady Gaga...she got electrocuted at a recent show. Okay, maybe just electrocuted virtually via Youtube. I love Youtube user edits. They're my favorite. I love the way their minds work. It takes some time to put together a good edit and I just want to let all of you guys know that I appreciate your hard work. You can take a hammy performance by Gaga and turn it into a grand masterpiece. Here are a couple of my other favorite edits: Full House, Star Trek. And this edit showcases the best parts of this amazingly awesome, Oscar-worthy movie.

-Lolski

The fates have spoken

This might be a giant clue that you need to give up your singing career. Think of the parameters that had to be just right for this parachute to meet face. The altitude, latitude and longitude of the plane, the strategic or not so strategic landing, the angle and height of the cliff face and the wind direction. This is a direct message from the laws of physics to kindly be quiet. Simon Cowell has nothing on physics.

-Lolski

Boostalk' s gonna Rawk You

This is the direct result of Youtube. Youtube creates dreams. Youtube shatters dreams. Unfortunately in this example, it's the latter. Internet commenters have an uncanny ability to take a person down a notch. Either that or increase self-deception. Boostalk can either take their "This is ghey" or "Worst song ever" and think to himself "Maybe this is my last attempt at rapping?" or he can say "Whateva, these hatas don't understand how good I am". Just like those people that cry into the camera after a failed audition on American Idol. "Simon's an asshole! I'll show him. They'll be sorry when I'm rich and famous!". First thing's first Boostalk, you might not want to put "Boo" in your stage name. Just a thought. Boos do talk...they talk loud and clear.

There's a major thing missing in all of these folks: self-insight. How about a realistic inventory of one's strengths and talents? This is where friends and family come in. Unfortunately, when it comes to the Arts...most people don't want to tell someone they suck ass. Well Youtube picks up where friends and family fail. It's a tough and cruel reality check. The Internet is the ultimate lie detector.

-Lolski

It's the Earthquake Buttshake folks!

This is pure genius. Think...the creepiness of PitBull matched with annoyance of Lil'John. Any man that can wear cut-off jean shorts for the sake of rofls is A-Okay in my books. There's a certain part of the song that will have you LOLing without your consent. You'll know what I'm talking about...there isn't a stitch of enunciation in those lines. I dare you to try and guess what he's saying...

Also duly noted: Lightening bolt design mutton chops and a club scene that's really set in someones living room. The makeshift strobelight by flicking on and off the light and the thermostat on the wall gives it away.

Great job fellas...you might not be number 1 on the charts, but you are number 1 in my heart.

- Lolski

Unsexy Werewolf

Want to see a crazy woman dance in a unitard? I sure do. I saw Shakira's new video for "She Wolf" the other day and yeah...interesting. I actually quietly chuckled the whole way through. Shakira's a hot chick and usually has killer moves that make boys get funny feelings in their special places. I have a feeling this video will confuse the boys. Much in the same way Lady Gaga confuses them. Is Gaga sexy, is she not? One can't know that for certain.

One thing I do know for certain is Shakira has become a mutant. Her tendons and connective tissue appear to have changed since "Hips Don't Lie". They can now stretch and move in ways only Mr. Fantastic can. She also appears to have utilized the same choreographer as Beyonce. Ladies: Spastic does not equal sexy. Stick with the tried and true booty shake.




Sony won't let me embed the video so click here if you want to see ShakiWolf. Maybe this video will help resurrect the wolf sweatshirt? One can only hope...



- Lolski

Whoa...who needs a studio when you have pens?

Okay, this video illustrates why Soulja Boy should never have gotten a record contract. WTF? This kid is amazing. And then you have ding dongs like Soulja Boy and Jim Jones with zero talent pushing out singles like no tommorrow. Okay let's do the comparison:

Soulja Boy                                           Kid in Video

- is annoying                                   - is not annoying

- has producers for all his              - Uses bare hands for his beat
shitty one-tone beats, they
still suck

- Groans incessantly in songs               - Uses intelligent lyrics in song

- Wants to "supasoak hoes"                 - Wants to "let the beat ride"


And there you have it. Ugh...someone give this kid some airtime. Speaking of someone with raw talent...check out my friend!

- Lolski

Best song and video in the World

This song will be sure to move quickly up the charts. I suspect it will win a Grammy in the near future. I could listen to it on repeat for hours. Little known fact: all songwriter's have cat shadow-writers. Virtually all music today is actually originally created by domesticated animals. All of Soulja Boy's music is composed by his shorthair tabby named "Supasoaka".

- Lolski

Worst/best rap battle ever?

So this is one of my old favs and if you haven't seen Eli yet then...uh...basically you need to. This is known as the worst rap battle ever. But I say pshaw to that! How about best rap battle ever. I wish I could put Eli in my pocket and take him wherever I go! The heart swipe is also probably the best camera effect known to man. Wait for Eli...he's after the first dude.

-Lolski

Cobain gets Rick Rolled

It was about time someone put this together. There are no two songs that deserve to be together more then these. It's pure unadulterated magic.

- Lolski

I love this lil wippersnipper!

So I came across this lil guy's videos and he's the funniest. He's a 16 year old kid with progeria. It's that really rare disease where the kid's age super fast. Extremely sad yes. But this lil guy's got moxy! He's a foul-mouthed firecracker! He makes video's where he raps and dances and tells dirty jokes. He's got more confidence in one of his little knobby knees then most adults do altogether. Ofcourse there are d-bags that make fun on youtube, it IS the internet. But he seems to take it all in stride. I LOVE HIM!!

-Lolski