WoW Freakout

So this dude is another victim of World of Warcraft. Or as scientists have coined it "WoW". Watch as a beautiful freakout unfolds as he comes to realize that he can't log in to enjoy his sweet, succulent past-time. This dude needs to lay off the Zesty Doritos and Mountain Dew and get out and enjoy the beautiful world. Pffft...who am I kidding? I haven't left my house in 8 days. And my right pointer finger and wrist are arthritic and carpal tunnelesque from all the sweet surfing I partake in on the daily. The Internet owns me and it knows it.

Seriously though, wasn't there some dude that died from too many hours playing some type of computer RPG? True story. Scary stuff kids. I think everyone needs to go outside and toil in the sun for a bit. C'mon folks, plant an onion patch. Or better yet do something really pointless like sweeping the sidewalk. It's fun and your neighbours will love you. There's an old dude on my street that sweeps the sidewalk all the time. I have a theory that he does it to get away from his Harpie wife. Either that or he's a secret agent. Your guess is as good as mine.

Million Dollar Dumb Dumb

What do you get when you mix lifting weights and male vanity? Million Dollar Baby Part 2: The Douche Chronicles. Except this one doesn't have Hillary Swank's puzzling androgynous french braid and slow-motion stool foreshadowing. Yikes, someone needs to get this guy some protein shakes STAT! And everyone knows that when you're pumping some sweet iron, it's standard to move right in front of a mirror and give yourself a sick flex. Did he lift with his back? I swear he lifted with his back. And no spotter to boot. That'll teach him to work outside of the buddy system.

Don't test Mother Nature

She's a cruel calculating bitch. She's Queen of the Harpies. If you mock her, she will show you what's what before you can say Jack Spratt's Hat. Dancing in the rain is best left for hippies and musical numbers anyways. If you must do it, perhaps you could stay away from metal. If that is not at all possible, then put on a shirt at the very least.

Love how the girl filming was like "Okay everyone in the house now". Yes it is now time to shut this whole filming in a lightning storm operation down. Perhaps she could have told him to seek shelter under a large tree or a telephone pole? This is the type of flawless decision-making and risk-management strategies that create Darwin awards.

-Lolski

Boostalk' s gonna Rawk You

This is the direct result of Youtube. Youtube creates dreams. Youtube shatters dreams. Unfortunately in this example, it's the latter. Internet commenters have an uncanny ability to take a person down a notch. Either that or increase self-deception. Boostalk can either take their "This is ghey" or "Worst song ever" and think to himself "Maybe this is my last attempt at rapping?" or he can say "Whateva, these hatas don't understand how good I am". Just like those people that cry into the camera after a failed audition on American Idol. "Simon's an asshole! I'll show him. They'll be sorry when I'm rich and famous!". First thing's first Boostalk, you might not want to put "Boo" in your stage name. Just a thought. Boos do talk...they talk loud and clear.

There's a major thing missing in all of these folks: self-insight. How about a realistic inventory of one's strengths and talents? This is where friends and family come in. Unfortunately, when it comes to the Arts...most people don't want to tell someone they suck ass. Well Youtube picks up where friends and family fail. It's a tough and cruel reality check. The Internet is the ultimate lie detector.

-Lolski

Moron gets Pwned

In what situation or era has it ever been okay to run up behind a horse and clap loudly? Has this ever been advised? No. Has this ever been encouraged? No. It's like I always say, you can't lead a horse to water when he's too busy owning an idiot behind him. It's bad enough that the horse has to deal with those confusing trumpets in the background. If I was stuck in that maddening, horn instrument festival I'd cartwheel through the crowd, kicking wildly. I might even throw in a log roll or two. All in the name of a quick escape.

-Lolski

Major disaster waiting to happen

Wild animals and defenseless humans mix like...well...oil and water, egg salad sandwiches and cafeteria popularity in grade nine, men and capris (some might argue these two go hand and hand but I say "fie on thee" to my detractors), mullets and scissors...and...you get the gist.

There's something especially sad about a bear playing a trumpet. I don't know what it is. Not that I'm not thoroughly entertained by it. Shouldn't they be eating berries and killin' salmon? Not doing somersaults for gawking idiots. This reminds me of that Simpsons episode where "Gentle Ben" the bear Talk Show host starts tearing up the crowd in the studio and the guy goes up to Ben and says "No, Ben. No." Baahahah that line kills me every time.

It's only a matter of time before this bear tears through a crowd. People will ask "Geesh, you know, I don't know what came over him?". How about, umm, he's a wild animal and should be, oh I don't know...not in a crowded stadium. But their funny hats are so dang cute so we might see more performin' bears yet.

-Lolski

If you're not first, you're last

So buddy bails directly on the finish line. He asks an ever important question "Did I win?". Yes you won. You won top prize in the poindexter awards. Many have been vying for the prize all year. You sir are the one that took it down.

I'm as clumsy as they get. For some reason I was reasonably good at sports in high school. I remember a friends's dad came to one of my volleyball games because his daughter was also on the team. He made a remark to the effect of "Wow, I wouldn't have expected you to be so good at sports". To this day, I'm still not sure how to take that. Okay, compliment it is! I probably went for a smoke right after the game and followed it up with some underage drinking. Being a contradiction is fun!

-Lolski

Gimme maah pizza!

Yeah, so Jim Breuer is a douche. I thought he'd be cool because he was on SNL and was the funny stoned hippy in Half Baked. But noooo, he's an actual douche bag. Here he is doing a commercial for Pizza Hut and he flips out on a prop guy because he wants to take a bite out of the pizza. Prop guy doesn't want that to happen and hijincks ensue. I guess prop guy is kind of douchey too. It's an all round douchey situation.

Douchebag wants to FIGHT

Everyone loves to poke fun at douchebags. We've all seen them. Heck you may even be one. This muscle toting macho man is bringing "Nick" the fight of his life via webcam. Beautiful added touches to note:

-Shirtless guy in the background with shades on

-50 cent snippet playing during the video to create ambiance and context

-Patron mothafucka!

If you have never seen this classic douchebag parody then you must



If you are unsure of what a douchebag is or whether you could classify yourself as one, here are some fine specimens:





-Lolski

Parenting/ Coaching 101

Aah yes. The classic little-league coach fight. If this isn't a fun-filled jamboree of family entertainment, then I don't know what is. Wonder how this one started? Uh huh...here goes:

Coach 1: That was a foul and you know it!

Coach 2: Foul? Foul? What...like foul like your wife's face.

Coach 1: Jim, I told you to stop that shit.

Coach 2: What, you gonna do about it...we all know you can't swing worth shit?!

Coach 1: All right, that does it!

And then fight ensues. Mix testosterone with vicariously living dreams through your kids and you have a whole mess o' trouble. What would have made this video even better is if the wives stepped in and a catfight erupted on the sidelines.

- Lolski

Thanks ladies...way to ruin their chances

Another fail video is in order. These guys over at FailBlog sure know to keep human failure fun and upbeat. These two ladies obliterated these dog's chances of getting adopted. What if these doggies had a Daddy Warbucks coming their way? Now they'll never find parents. They'll be singing "Tomorrow...Tomorrow" forever in some dingy little shelter cage. I bet they'll be too sad to do a choreographed dance. Thanks a lot ladies, couldn't fake it even a little on camera?

- Lolski

Patience is a Virtue

This dude is the Grand Viscount of patience. He's a paragon of stoic fortitude. He pretty much owns. Despite all the tomfoolery around him, he keeps going with his segment. I would, in his place, stick my arms straight out, clench my fists, and spin. Windmilling my way through the drunks. I bet his previous job was being one of the Queen's guards in England with the funny hats. He's also probably real good at Jenga and putting model ships inside of bottles.

- Lolski

Geez...it's not the skateboard's fault

So everyone loves a good Fail video. For old people that aren't aware, a "fail" is what the cool kids say nowadays when someone does something stupid or they just utterly fail at what they were intending to do. An "epic fail" is a really bad fail. Pretty soon "epic fail" is going to trickle up to the grown-ups and it will no longer be cool at all to say. It's probably already outgrown it's shelf life at this writing. Sorry grown-ups, it's true. Just like what happened to MySpace. You guys ran all the kids off that site.

I myself am a grown-up and am slowly realizing that I'm no longer that cool anymore. I've just hit 30 and am on the cusp of losing all coolness. That's okay though, I'm looking forward to embarrassing teens in the coming decades.

So here's a fail...it's a good one. Not "epic" because I'm not allowed to say that at my age.

- Lolski

Mystery of the Bees Solved

Scientists have recently found some clues to explain the disappearance of honey bees in the U.S. We didn't need fancy sciencing to tell us why they left. We've had the answer in our midst all along. Here is the true cause of their mass disappearance:



If you don't know who these dingbats are, consider yourself lucky. The bees finally decided enough is enough. Heidi Montag's recent "performance" on Miss Universe sealed the deal. Her dance moves created ultrasonic vibrations, signalling the bees to haul ass while there was still time. If they were smart they'd take up residency in Fiji or somewhere extremely remote where they will never be subjected to them again.

- Lolski

The Appendix that Cried Wolf...

So according to a recent news story, this poor dude got his appendix removed twice in the same month:

Mark Wattson, from Swindon, Wilts, had two appendectomies in a month after doctors failed to remove the appendix at the first attempt.

He claims that he lost his job because his employers did not believe that he needed to have the operation twice.

Mr Wattson, 35, had his first appendectomy on Tuesday, July 7, after being told that his appendix was the cause of abdominal pain he had suffered for several months.

He said that doctors informed him that the procedure had gone well. He was discharged the next day.

Yet a month later, Mr Wattson was taken to hospital after collapsing in Swindon town centre.

He was told by doctors at Great Western Hospital – where his original operation had taken place – that his appendix had burst and that he needed an emergency appendectomy.

He was readmitted for surgery and released following the second – successful – operation on August 9.

"I couldn't believe what I was hearing," Mr Wattson said. "I told these people I had my appendix out just four weeks earlier but there it was on the screen for all to see.

"I thought: 'What the hell did they slice me open for in the first place'?"

Source

What did they remove the first time you ask Mark? Excellent question. Somewhere a doctor is smacking his head and saying "Oooh...you said appendix. Right. See, I thought you said spleen. Spleen rhymes with mean and the patient was being mean to me before surgery. Oh dang...my memory trick didn't work at all. Shit, I always mess up on Fridays. Boy is my face red."

- Lolski

Killing Two Birds with One Bike

Oh the ROFLS....The ROFLS are a flowing. Moms and dirt bikes are an oddly wonderful combination. Then factor in Grandma and a wheelchair and you have the makings of an embarrassing yet magical event. Couldn't this have been avoided if they took this experiment to an open field or dirt road? Naaaw...it's much better to take risky first-timers to a heavily populated area. Preferably near walkways and the elderly.

- Lolski

It's time for the Lacerator

Oh how I love these. The drunken viral video. Watch drunk gal meet glass table. Whoa Nelly, that had to smart slightly! Her buddy that filmed this couldn't resist the urge to upload it. Yikes...some friend.

Ladies...this is a tried, tested and true rule for us all. Don't dance on tables. It never ends well. It's rarely sexy when you are drunk. And last, but certainly not least, if you must dance on a table...wear pants.

- Lolski

Okay... ummm... disturbing

What in tarnation were this kid's parent's thinking??? Since when do you give a 7 year old a pistol. Go ahead and paint me purple, but those bullets appear real. This is no potato gun folks. He seems to know how to load that thing like second nature, which implies alot of practice, which then implies WTF MOM and DAD? Did you get him started at 3? There's so many things wrong with this. You know what...I don't even need to go on a rant here. Common sense should be universal on this one. But alas, 'tis not. Two things can happen here...he grows up to be a law-abiding citizen and develops this childhood hobby for the good of all and becomes some type of peace officer. Or....ummm....yeah...you know the rest.

For the love of curly fries...guns and kids don't mix!

- Lolski

Okay...who's the genius?

This is a giant batch of disaster. I just know how this played out 15 minutes prior to lighting the candles. Aunt Sue and Cousin Gary were snickering in the kitchen:

"Tee Hee hee...know what would be real funny Sue? If we embarrassed him with a whole mess o' silly string while he tries to blow out his candles. It will be High-larious!"

"Ooh boy Gary...will his face be red by golly!"

3 second degree burns for birthday boy and 10 counselling sessions later for little Johnny...

- Lolski