Babysitter gets Owned

Oh boy, this one is gonna make you think twice before you make fun of cat people again. One could say this is a CATastrophy. Eww, I made my own skin crawl. I'm gonna leave the puns to your best friend's middle-aged father and creepy, great-uncles.

I like my puns literal anyway. Like a jump to conclusions mat:



These cats are ruthless sentinels. There was no need for the nanny cams when Felix and Whiskers were on shift. Don't mess with a tuxedo cat. They may seem fancy but they are notoriously merciless. I wonder if she knew she was being nanny-cammed and kept her reactions at a minimum. I know plenty of folks that would assume log roll position and kick feebly at the cat.

These two cat goons need to go on patrol on my street at 3:00AM when all the drunk drifters start hootin' and hollerin'. Better yet, I'll bring them to bars and the minute a gross guy tries to touch my bum I sick Whiskers on him. They'll get beat so hard they'll need a CAT scan. Ugh, I need to stop hanging out with 50+ year old men. Puns are CATagious. Oh God please make it stop.

The fates have spoken

This might be a giant clue that you need to give up your singing career. Think of the parameters that had to be just right for this parachute to meet face. The altitude, latitude and longitude of the plane, the strategic or not so strategic landing, the angle and height of the cliff face and the wind direction. This is a direct message from the laws of physics to kindly be quiet. Simon Cowell has nothing on physics.

-Lolski

Grandpa saves the day!

This guy is seriously the best. He doesn't let his arthritis and blood pressure stop him from being a super hero! How brave is he? He totally owns this punk criminal. All us young spring chickens can learn a thing or two from him. He's my hero:)

-Lolski

Obama is a wax statue

I came across this video detailing the day of pictures Obama took at the UN meeting last week. I've come to the conclusion that they had a wax statue stand-in for him for pictures. The real Obama was miles away screaming "Suck it, foreign leaders!". I wish I had a wax statue of him in my apartment. We'd have a jolly good time. I would bring him everywhere....meetings, school, Wal-Mart. Though we'd have to avoid certain places like saunas and hot tubs. People and Okay magazine would do a story about us. The headline would be "Obama seen Canoodling in Canada". Pretty soon Michelle would knock on my door and tell me to quit it. I'd have to grudgingly relent after taking one look at her mighty biceps.

-Lolski

It's the Earthquake Buttshake folks!

This is pure genius. Think...the creepiness of PitBull matched with annoyance of Lil'John. Any man that can wear cut-off jean shorts for the sake of rofls is A-Okay in my books. There's a certain part of the song that will have you LOLing without your consent. You'll know what I'm talking about...there isn't a stitch of enunciation in those lines. I dare you to try and guess what he's saying...

Also duly noted: Lightening bolt design mutton chops and a club scene that's really set in someones living room. The makeshift strobelight by flicking on and off the light and the thermostat on the wall gives it away.

Great job fellas...you might not be number 1 on the charts, but you are number 1 in my heart.

- Lolski

Major disaster waiting to happen

Wild animals and defenseless humans mix like...well...oil and water, egg salad sandwiches and cafeteria popularity in grade nine, men and capris (some might argue these two go hand and hand but I say "fie on thee" to my detractors), mullets and scissors...and...you get the gist.

There's something especially sad about a bear playing a trumpet. I don't know what it is. Not that I'm not thoroughly entertained by it. Shouldn't they be eating berries and killin' salmon? Not doing somersaults for gawking idiots. This reminds me of that Simpsons episode where "Gentle Ben" the bear Talk Show host starts tearing up the crowd in the studio and the guy goes up to Ben and says "No, Ben. No." Baahahah that line kills me every time.

It's only a matter of time before this bear tears through a crowd. People will ask "Geesh, you know, I don't know what came over him?". How about, umm, he's a wild animal and should be, oh I don't know...not in a crowded stadium. But their funny hats are so dang cute so we might see more performin' bears yet.

-Lolski

Brattiest Kid in the World

If you think you've seen kids with behavioural problems, this kid takes the cake. He goes downright ballistic on his mom in some office building. Wait for the end, it will bring true rofls. Somebody needs a time out...or a Ritalin.

- Lolski

Yikes...is all I can say

Okay this one is a bit disturbing, a bit funny, and a bit horror invoking. I found myself laughing, then feeling bad, then laughing, then feeling sorry for the poor camel, then for the poor lady, then finally laughing again. It's an all round awful situation. The camel sounds extremely upset. In fact, he sounds terrified.

Oh Internet, will you ever stop making me horrified and entertained at the same time? I think not. You wouldn't be the Internet if you did. You'll keep on exposing society's embarrassments for a millenia to come. By then you will be the Interbrain. We will no longer need computers, we will just upload to our brains. Technology is fun!

-Lolski

Parenting/ Coaching 101

Aah yes. The classic little-league coach fight. If this isn't a fun-filled jamboree of family entertainment, then I don't know what is. Wonder how this one started? Uh huh...here goes:

Coach 1: That was a foul and you know it!

Coach 2: Foul? Foul? What...like foul like your wife's face.

Coach 1: Jim, I told you to stop that shit.

Coach 2: What, you gonna do about it...we all know you can't swing worth shit?!

Coach 1: All right, that does it!

And then fight ensues. Mix testosterone with vicariously living dreams through your kids and you have a whole mess o' trouble. What would have made this video even better is if the wives stepped in and a catfight erupted on the sidelines.

- Lolski

Unsexy Werewolf

Want to see a crazy woman dance in a unitard? I sure do. I saw Shakira's new video for "She Wolf" the other day and yeah...interesting. I actually quietly chuckled the whole way through. Shakira's a hot chick and usually has killer moves that make boys get funny feelings in their special places. I have a feeling this video will confuse the boys. Much in the same way Lady Gaga confuses them. Is Gaga sexy, is she not? One can't know that for certain.

One thing I do know for certain is Shakira has become a mutant. Her tendons and connective tissue appear to have changed since "Hips Don't Lie". They can now stretch and move in ways only Mr. Fantastic can. She also appears to have utilized the same choreographer as Beyonce. Ladies: Spastic does not equal sexy. Stick with the tried and true booty shake.




Sony won't let me embed the video so click here if you want to see ShakiWolf. Maybe this video will help resurrect the wolf sweatshirt? One can only hope...



- Lolski

Technology is spooky

So I was in a cab going to my parents place from the airport and I got into a real neato conversation with the cab driver. She was awesome and we chatted it up for a while. We got to talking about quantum theory, which then lead to theories of consciousness. Yes, strange conversation in a cab but if you are going to talk about quantum theory, it better be in a cab. She told me about a new technology in Japan that has allowed researchers to actually project images from the brain onto a computer screen using an fMRI machine.

I told her I would Google it, and Google it I did! Holy shit show, she was right! It came out in December of last year. If you missed it here's the story. The applications of this technology are cool. You could potentially record dreams. I'm not so sure I'd want to record all of my dreams. Especially the one's where I'm in a public place and I'm all of a sudden naked or not wearing pants. I wonder what those mean? Or that one I had about Richard Gere that one time. Umm, nevermind about that one. Eww Richard Gere. Can you say Richard Gere without thinking of a hamster? I can't.

Patience is a Virtue

This dude is the Grand Viscount of patience. He's a paragon of stoic fortitude. He pretty much owns. Despite all the tomfoolery around him, he keeps going with his segment. I would, in his place, stick my arms straight out, clench my fists, and spin. Windmilling my way through the drunks. I bet his previous job was being one of the Queen's guards in England with the funny hats. He's also probably real good at Jenga and putting model ships inside of bottles.

- Lolski

Best Costume Ever

This is the best Halloween costume in the world. This has to be the work of a fan boy for a convention for sure. Those fan boys sure know how to take costumes to new heights of geekdom. I wish one of them would design me a Silk Spectre costume.

















Shit...I better do some serious crunches before I attempt a costume like that. Not only that, I'd be in for a series of costume malfunctions and camel toes so I'd need to be extra vigilant about my nether regions all night. Enjoy the awesomeness of a real live Bumblebee...he even transforms!

- Lolski

Alcoholic Monkeys!

These poor little monkeys have taken a liking to the sauce. Who can blame them really? I love a good cocktail.

They're quick little buggers too! Let them try to take my cocktail away and they'll see they've met their match. I keep one eyeball on my booze at all times. I'm not gonna lie...these little guys remind me of people I know. I'm not naming any names hehe.

Puppy Vs. Velociraptor

Who will win? So this is part two in the saga of my parents neurotic dog. Here is Dude (Yes his name is Dude)in an epic battle against the forces of evil. Well maybe not evil. More like a $50 remote controlled velociraptor from Target. Legend has it that salads are also malevolent entities and must be stopped.

- Lolski

Fast and the Furious: Toddler Drift

You saw the toddler that caught a giant fish with her bare hands. Here's another amazing kid with insane skills. Vin Diesel's head is probably spinning like a giant, bald top. Paul Walker's ego is insanely bruised. Why? Because this kid has been asked to be his stunt double. I love the little adjustments he makes at the end. He clearly didn't understand his own awesomeness until the end of the video.

- Lolski

Most important video you'll ever see...

So those familiar with astrophysics and the like are familiar with the Hubble telescope. I like, no...love, the Hubble telescope. It's big and shiny and takes purty pictures for my computer desktop...oh and it also delves into the most important questions of humankind. So you may know that it once took pictures for days of one pinprick segment of the cosmos and it was called the Deep Field. This pic blew everyone's brain stem, including mine. Every dot of light in the pic is a whole galaxy. When I think about how big space is I get a really weird feeling in my lower spine/tailbone area. Same feeling I get when I'm up real high. Great Scott I'm afraid of heights...anyways that's besides the point.


Well this video talks about another Deep Field shot by Hubble and it's in 3D. Check it out. It will make you feel so small you'll never feel fat in that bikini again! The Hubble diet plan...I need to patent this idea...

- Lolski

Best song and video in the World

This song will be sure to move quickly up the charts. I suspect it will win a Grammy in the near future. I could listen to it on repeat for hours. Little known fact: all songwriter's have cat shadow-writers. Virtually all music today is actually originally created by domesticated animals. All of Soulja Boy's music is composed by his shorthair tabby named "Supasoaka".

- Lolski

5 year old Chuck Norris

This kid is incredible. Never mind Bear Grylls, that dude that stares into the camera and eats bugs. This kid can survive a month alone in the desert. This kid can stop a bullet with her bare hands. She is a reincarnation of Chuck Norris...wait he's not dead, nor will he ever die. He probably just provided his mutant DNA to her mother in hopes of passing on his legacy of awesome...

- Lolski

That'll learn ya!

Man I wish profs would do this more often. Too many students would whine about it and cry foul. Many a time I have been pestered by a smart-alecky class clown and I had a mind to inform the teacher of said shenanigans...yeah right...who am I kidding? I was responsible for many teacher migraines in my day.

We had a poor history teacher in grade nine high school that left his job shortly after this one horrible class I was privy too and I have to admit I joined in on the insanity. That day he brought gum to class in an effort to bribe us into obedience. All he received for his efforts was a gummy ass from all the gum placed on his chair while he stood up handing out the gum. Legend has it he had a nervous breakdown. He never returned to our school. Teens are so dang mean. Mr. H. if you are out there...sorry:(

- Lolski