Oh long johnsons!!?? a cat's tale.

This cute feline almost made me shoot milk out of my nose...okay the first bit is not rofl material but just wait....nothing better on a friday after noon than listening to a whiskered puss say oh long johnson...with a lisp no less.
-Shocka

A heckler that just won't give

This is pretty hilarious. Here's a video where a man running for mayor is repeatedly heckled when he's trying to speak to a news crew. Why they didn't take it to a new street sooner, I don't know? If I were the dude running for mayor I would have gone up to the other dude's porch and had a "booooo" battle. That sure would have shown that city what's what. A mayor with gumption, that's all the heckler wanted anyways. Why is it that when I hear the word "boooooo" I always think of that dirty old woman heckler in The Princess Bride. You know who I'm talking about. The 80's run deep in me.

- Lolski

Ladies with delicate sensibilities

Well these ladies put the ass in class. This is a scene from "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" reality TV show. Can't say I've ever watched an episode but now I kind of want to. Arguing over name changes and past arrests is a common occurrence amongst my circle of friends and I need to learn how to handle conflicts such as these. Watch it for some table flipping fun!

- Lolski

Holy shitballs...

These people missed their final destination by a second. But don't worry, their "final destination" will chase them around like in those ridiculous movies. Just who was behind the final destination "entity" in those movies? Death, God, Martha Stewart? Some angry little gremlin weaving a tapestry of destruction. By the way never watch the movie The Cradle. Pure retardedness. The whole movie is based around some type of final destination entity versus a baby. Will the baby be okay? Will he not? That is the question throughout this dumbass movie. I stopped caring halfway through and yet kept watching out of pure stubbornness.

- Lolski

Whatevs...I can do that

So this hot shot is trying to show us all up with his fancy shmancy jumping out of pool ability. Well...umm...guess what? I can beat him in a couple of other things. Namely: drinkin' ceasars, lying for long periods of time, and appearing to work whilst not. Betcha he's never played Fallout 3 for 8 hours straight. Hrumph...we're all specialists in something!

- Lolski

Humans killed their hairy cousins

So according to recent nerd reports, scientists are now saying that human beings may have killed off the Neanderthals. Pffft...doesn't surprise me. We've been notorious for not liking things different from us. Just look at how we've treated poor Carrot Top.

Let this be a lesson to mankind. Different is good not scary (all sarcasm aside for a wee second).

Update: While I was looking for a pic for this post I came across an eerily appropriate news item. Mystery solved? I think so.

- Lolski

Finally something for your pesky "O" Zones

This product promises to take care of those embarrassing odors that emanate from your potentially rancid odor zones or "O Zones" as they are known in scientific circles. Aspray is especially designed for plumbers, business ladies in offices and lazy men on couches as the commercial shows. Take care of that "beastly butt odor". C'mon people buy your Aspray today!

- Lolski

Drunk old people are funny

This elderly gentleman makes a key mistake. Not sniffing the "bottle" first. That could avoid such embarrassing mishaps in the future. I always sniff my moonshine before I swig. It's just straight-up boozing logic.

- Lolski

Slapping you with a big fat smelly armpit of frustration.

I can no longer await the day of over head thought bubbles. As Lolski and I sat out side our favorite Chapters book store, speaking very loudly our status updates. I could not help but wish that everyones thoughts were assembled over their heads for all to read. Maybe in neon, or a steady stream of text... possibly with a theme song that goes with their body shapes. For instance a portly port drinking and cheese eating man...who no doubt smells of cured meats and sweaty slacks...would say something like " Im hungry, and frustrated with my mother....can people see my boner?" and his theme song would be something like ramalama bang bang. With all of the advances in technology and brain science and space = what's the holdup? If any techmnology people read this...I will gladly be involved in the trials.

-Shocka

Shocka on hating.

So this is my first "formal" blog... however i blog 24/7 in my head...so i have alot of experience. This morning as I had the runski's from a foamy caramel latte, I thought to myself...wtf do I want to say? as the day progressed I realized that the main issue at hand here is that, I am sorry for my spelling and such as I proceed to my point. That really we are....or rather that society and politics being as they are, and the flow of time and menses. In the end I think.

Another one to haunt your dreamscapes

If you thought the zebra man was creepy, the doberman will take you to new heights of bizarro land. It reminds me of one of those scary Egyptian Gods/Aliens from Stargate. No wonder these videos are tagged as "potentially" inappropriate on Youtube. This is a man that is "potentially" a serial killer. First he'll paint himself, then he'll say to you "It puts the paint on it's body or else it gets the hose again"...

- Lolski

So cute you'll barf

You'd have to be the most grumpy, jerk-faced curmudgeon to not find this cute. Go ahead I dare you to watch this and try not to succumb. Speaking of curmudgeons, I can't wait to grow up and be one. I'm looking forward to yelling at people that graze my property line or poking people with my umbrella while I shuffle by. I've hit my 30's now so just 30 or so more years until it's a grouchy free-for all.

- Lolski

So I Married An Eiffel Tower

I came across this video the other day in my daily internet rummaging. It's from a documentary about people that are in love with objects like buildings, bridges, national monuments. These people actually legally marry the buildings they are in love with. They call themselves Objectum Sexuals. There are two ladies that are both in love with the Berlin wall. I'd like to see how that cat fight plays out.

"He was mine first!"

"Get outta my way biotch, he's mine."

Then they both realize he's a deadbeat and no one wants him around anymore anyways and they move on to greener pastures like local Walmarts and McDonalds buildings. There's lots of their love to go around ladies.

- Lolski

Gadzooks...the Alice in Wonderland Trailer

So I'm real excited for this movie. Tim Burton never disappoints and him and old Johnny are joined up again so I think we're in for a jolly good time. Oh I really hope the rabbit paces lots and stares at his pocket watch a bunch. "I'm late...I'm late! For a very important date!"

-Lolski

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Amusing Evian ad

I came across this the other day. I was trying not to smile as I watched it because I usually don't like crap like this (CGI dancing babies etc.) but in the end my belligerent face cracked a smile despite my best efforts. My reluctant verdict is in: Evian has harnessed the power of the viral video. Maybe I will buy their overpriced glorious spring (cough...Quebec tap water) water after all? Pffffttt...nope.

-Lolski

Get on TV at all costs

These two chicks scared a children's choir and a reporter that just got back from vacation. Bad drunk girls! Bad, bad drunk girls! Thanks for the lolz ladies.

-Lolski

I've dreamed of doing this...

This dude just did what I've always dreamed of doing during a meeting or job interview. Lmaoface.

- Lolski

Something out of my nightmares...

Okay I saw this and got so creeped out. It's like some type of zebra reverse centaur. This creeps me out almost as much as those dang centaurs in the Chronicle of Narnia movies. Okay fine, I admit it. I'm prejudiced against Mermen and the like. Stay in the sea Merman...stay in the sea....

- Lolski

Quantum Weirdness

Okay so I'm a nerd. I love science, technology etc. I read a lot about quantum theory. Some of that stuff will blow your mind. It will have your head spinning like a top. It will literally knock your keister off kilter. Okay enough of that.

If you don't know about the double-slit experiment (sounds dirty but it's not), then feast your eyes on this. Let Dr. Quantum break it down for ya...

- Lolski

Worst/best rap battle ever?

So this is one of my old favs and if you haven't seen Eli yet then...uh...basically you need to. This is known as the worst rap battle ever. But I say pshaw to that! How about best rap battle ever. I wish I could put Eli in my pocket and take him wherever I go! The heart swipe is also probably the best camera effect known to man. Wait for Eli...he's after the first dude.

-Lolski

Test your mastery of the Force

So speaking of psychics and whatnot...here's a link that you might find interesting if you wanna test your ESP skills. It's kind of cool because it does a z-test (which is something I use all the time for school). It's a statistical test that determine's whether your result is significant beyond chance blah-di-blah blah.

Click on the pics below to see the screenshots of my results. Anywho the tests showed that I have evidence for "Fair" psychokinesis and precognition.Sweet! Charles Xavier School for the Gifted here I come. Maybe Wolverine will date me if he's not still hung up on that Jean Grey b&%$%.

-Lolski

Turtle Sex

Well...I don't know what to say. It's natural? Wait for the big sigh at the end rofl. The girl turtle looks bored.

- Lolski

Twilight fans get serious at a "Twilight" tour

So Twilight fans are crazy over Edward and company at a Twi-tour. I myself am obsessed with the series and would for sure go to some type of event if I could and stalk Robert Pattinson. Would I take it as far as these folks below? Probably not. This is the point when reality and fantasy blur and you are forcing your boyfriend to give longing, sultry looks into the camera.

- Lolski

Sylvia Browne gets pwned

I'm interested in ESP and all that jazz....but the vast majority are frauds. Noone has has ever definitively demonstrated it under rigourous testing. Here's that man-voiced Sylvia Browne getting roflcoptored on the Montel Show. Watch the backpeddling. I can't beleive people have paid for her services.

Cobain gets Rick Rolled

It was about time someone put this together. There are no two songs that deserve to be together more then these. It's pure unadulterated magic.

- Lolski

Kitties like getting high too

I love cats. When I was a child my parents knew I'd be a weird cat lady as an adult. I found this informative video about kitties getting high off catnip. Not gonna lie...this looks like a cat orgy.

- Lolski

Attention ladies over 30...CNN wants you to know this

So I was perusing CNN's site and saw this headline Women over 30 have newer birth control options. Just turning 30 this year, I though 'meh, why not check this out'. So I'm reading over these so called "newer" options and I couldn't find any.

They list variations of birth control pills. Umm, okay not new. I still have to inject myself with hormones like cattle.

They list the IUD. Oh yay....that barbaric thing that's been around since the early 1900's. Sweet, can't wait to have a doctor shove that in the old uterus and leave it sit for 10 years.

Then they mention condoms. Weren't those suckers made out of sheep intestine in medieval times? Not new, sorry.

They mention Implanon, a little plastic stick implanted under the skin that shoots hormones daily. It's a variation of the Pill....not new, next.

Then they mention sterilization. Again, not new. Didn't Canada do forced sterilization in the dirty thirties?

And our last resort method of birth control. Plan B. This is just a suped up dose of the birth control pill. Yawn. Next.

How about some new ideas guys? Preferably something that doesn't involve sticking foreign objects in our bodies or increasing our risk of strokes and blood clots. Thanks.


-Lolski

More Coney Island fun

Okay it's now looking like I need to go to Coney Island. Here's another Coney Island moment caught on film. The sheer brilliance of the song paired with the situations captured makes this an A1 lolleriffic viral video.

I'm always ready with my cam and no one ever cooperates and does something youtube-worthy. Sometimes I scrounge for youtube finds. I was so desperate I posted a video of seagulls the other day...then shamefully took it down. You can't force these things. Real youtube gold happens serendipitously. There's my big word of the day.

- Lolski

What's a billion times infinity?

Hey, ever wonder how long it would take to get from Venus to Vlargon 5 while taking into account special relativity? Okay Vlargon 5 isn't a real place but it should be. This handy dandy website will let you compute everything. You want to find out the mass of 11 electrons? Done. You want to find out the population of Kalamazoo? Done. The possibilities truly are endless. Lately I've been using it to finalize string theory equations. Damn hard work I tells ya.

- Lolski

Really cute...yet slightly disturbing

Okay this little girl has got some sick ass moves and she's incredibly cute. BUT....and this is a big BUT...what's with the giving her dollar bills? Am I the only one that's slightly disturbed by this? From the comments on youtube I'd say I'm not the only one. Maybe I don't understand boardwalk dancing rituals in Coney Island...

-Lolski

I love this lil wippersnipper!

So I came across this lil guy's videos and he's the funniest. He's a 16 year old kid with progeria. It's that really rare disease where the kid's age super fast. Extremely sad yes. But this lil guy's got moxy! He's a foul-mouthed firecracker! He makes video's where he raps and dances and tells dirty jokes. He's got more confidence in one of his little knobby knees then most adults do altogether. Ofcourse there are d-bags that make fun on youtube, it IS the internet. But he seems to take it all in stride. I LOVE HIM!!

-Lolski

Chris Brown reads a teleprompter

Soooo Chris Dinkus Brown is begging us all to buy his albums again. He has finally publicly apologized for beating Rihanna's face in. I believe him...I believe everything celebrities tell me 'cause they are better then all of us. They poop pure solid gold bricks. Imagine scientists got the same amount of fame for doing real work? The dude's at the Hadron Collider would have mad groupies. "Oh Dr. So and So...is that a particle accelerator in your pocket? Oh wait, no. You're just happy to see me"

- Lolski

Data and Captain Picard are gonna do it

Heee heee hooo hooo......this sends me to Lol Lol land.

- Lolski

Who's tryin' to hurt my Brit Brit???

Some Russian dudes are making death threats to my Brit Brit....

Do they know who they are dealing with??? I've got a mind to go down there and tell them what's what. We can have a dance off. And Brit will be the judge. And unicorns will referee. And Madonna will provide sideline entertainment with constant crotch unitard yoga poses. T'will be grand....

- Lolski

All aaaah do is smoke weed.

So here's a sweet lil gem my friend showed me this weekend. How did I miss this for so long? I have to get back on the ball maaaaan. In case you're wondering who the guy is...he's the funny stalker dude from Talladega Nights. Everyday...weed.

- Lolski

Gun Laws Shmun Laws

Dontcha just wish you could you could get a spanking new oozie to match your sexy lil' Chrysler? Lord knows I have dreamed of such a prospect. Alas, this is a dream no longer. One up and coming progressive gumshoe has beat us all to the punch.

BUTLER, Mo. -- Those purchasing a vehicle at Max Motors in Missouri will receive an AK-47 assault rifle with their purchase during the month of August. This is the second consecutive year the dealership has given away vouchers for a firearm as part of a sales promotion. The logo at Mark Muller's dealership is a nod to his feelings about guns - with an old west caricature pointing two pistols at those who pass by. He said it's a nod to what he calls "big city" ways. "We really are different than the big city dealers," Muller said.

Indeed. Pesky big city dealers are so dang cranky about silly concepts like "death" or "homicide". Bullets are just pretend boogermen that we dumb dumb adults make up to scare children and the elderly. Hee Haaaw...bring on the make-believe carnage. Monica Lolinsky.

-Lolski

It's my foooood.....

This guy knows where it's at. I've had a mind to do this for ages. I have visions of being kicked and dragged with spagetti all over my face and breaded shrimp falling out of my pockets.

OGDEN -- Weber State University police booked a man into jail on investigation of felony robbery after an apparently disastrous trip through the buffet line.
Campus officials said it happened Thursday at the Shepherd Union Building, where a buffet had been set up for competitors in an archery tournament. Police said Maurice Henry Glen Crichlow, 20, was spotted going through the line and confronted by a food services employee.
"He did not appear to be a member of the competition," WSU spokesman John Kowalewski said Friday. "This individual (the food services worker) approached the young man-this is the second time he'd been seen in the line that day-and informed him that if he wanted the food he needed to pay for the food."
Kowalewski said the man became belligerent, pushed the one worker and was immediately confronted by another food service worker.
"At that point this individual shoved, or pushed the second staff member and said, 'If you've got a problem with me, call police,'" Kowalewski said.
They did. Crichlow was ultimately arrested and booked into the Weber County Jail on investigation of second-degree felony robbery, disorderly conduct and interfering with an arrest.

-Lolski

Some sweet blogs I check out on the daily....

Hey so I have a case of the old chronic insomnia and I traverse the vast reaches of the Interwebs nightly. Since I'm now blogging, vlogging, nlogging or whatevskies...I might as well hit you up with the blogs I read on the daily. These guys have filled up those wee hours of the night with plenty o' curiosities and marvels. But mostly I just sit and stare at the walls of my living room for hours.


http://www.poorbritney.com/blog


This one is one of my faves. Not only does the author love poor old Brit Brit as much as I do, but she's hilarious. I get teased for my weird fascination with Britney all the time. So what if we're supposed to be best friends? She pretty much needs to pay me to go down to Hollywood and I'll go everywhere she wants me to go with her. Rite-Aid, Gas stations and their adjoining gas station washrooms, star bucks, aimless nights of driving aimlessly. I'll even carry around her first born child that she never carries anymore, Sean Preston. Heck I'll do it all for free. Oh she'll see....by golly she'll see. I'm the perfect one for the job. Why can't they have a Britney Spears BFF? Who wants to be friends with Paris Hilton anyways.? I'd win over all the other crazies foooooo shooooooooooo.




















Here's another fave:http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/

They don't update every day but when they do...ooooh boy....lolz galore. You'll spend hours going through the archives. It's hard to believe people are paid to photoshop and come up with those monstrosities. Roflcoptors in motion.
















http://www.oddee.com/

This one is just dang interesting and will make you sound smart at lavish dinner parties so you won't have to quote Wikipedia no mo. Lists always make for easier reading and memorization too. It's about all the weird and odd stuff and people in the world. I'm weird and I love weird stuff.










This one makes me lmao my pants all the time: http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/


It's all about shitty, obvious plastic surgery on celebrities. So funny. I always die whenever the author writes in an exasperated tone "Is the transformation finally complete?"...too funny.

Well just a few that blow up my lollercraft.

Lolski