Hello ladies, gents, unicorns, dryads, and all humanoid lifeforms of the Internets. Roflopagos Island is a place of whimsy and folly. It is a humor blog documenting the ridiculous, funny and odd things of our glorious Internets. Why rummage the Internet when I can do it for you?

What can you expect while you are here? It will be random, it will be unique, and if anything it might give you a hot, swift burst of humor to enhance your everyday life. Enjoy…

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Hadron Blues

So...WTF. I'm an avid fan of science. I science all the time. I'm even sciencing right now. WTF is up with the good for nothin' Hadron collider? I've been waiting patiently for years to find out if the dang Higgs Boson even exists?! What are these nerds doing? I've got a mind to write a very opinionated and passively aggressive letter to CERN. They need to get their asses in gear and stop lollygagging around in the Swiss Alps. They've probably been skiing this whole time. Who the frick is in charge? I bet my senior citizen doggie could do a better job.

While I'm over here waiting for them to get this show on the road, they've been sipping hot cocoa and eating chocolate fondue, just laughing at us. It's an evil mad scientist laugh too I bet. They say it will be up and running by the end of this month. But I've heard that line before. I have a feeling they're leading us on, just to dump us in a month or so. What a bunch of jerk quantum physicists. In the meantime, here's some videos to whet your quantum appetites:

Monday, November 16, 2009

Amateur pole dancers never prosper

Well this is downright embarrassing for everyone involved. But mostly for the drunk girl that ruined everything. You were in a world of your own drunk lady. You were under the impression that your spastic twirls and awkward sashays were indescribably sexy. I know what you were thinking... "The boys are gonna love this finishing move...okay...here goes". And...down comes the roof.

Drunk lady, you will forever be known in this group of friends as the idiot that crushes dreams and ruins lives. Ladies reading this need to keep this factoid close to your heart: drunk dancing is neither attractive or alluring. I understand that the music is loud and the lights in the bars create the illusion of romance and adventure, but the sexy faces you are making while grinding your friend instead make you look like you are on the verge of vomiting down the front of your white halter top. Oh and plus, you're probably sweaty and your make-up's running by that point. Sultry dance is best left for moments when you're not 6 martinis deep.

And boys, don't encourage us to get on the riser, speaker or table when we are in this state. Bad thing's happen. Cases in point #1 and #2. Are you going to comfort us when we've been tagged in a Facebook photo that shows us "getting low" at unflattering angles? I think not. So quit it. We may have vaginas and boobies but not all of them are moneymakers.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Pervert Doggie

I thought we only had to be worried about creepy men in trench coats? However, this video illustrates that perverts lurk across species and phylum. This opportunistic canine made a poor, hapless victim out of this passed out gentleman. He saw it, and he went for it. That'll learn him real good to leave his sexy parts vulnerable for the world to see. He's a tease if you ask me and was probably asking for it. I know Fido would agree.

Sometimes you don't even need an unconscious victim and can just use what's available...like air for instance...

Either way, they are getting theirs. Perhaps we can make trench coats for dogs to make these offenders easier to identify? If you can think it, it's out there. Oh great Internet...will you ever disappoint?

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Don't test Mother Nature

She's a cruel calculating bitch. She's Queen of the Harpies. If you mock her, she will show you what's what before you can say Jack Spratt's Hat. Dancing in the rain is best left for hippies and musical numbers anyways. If you must do it, perhaps you could stay away from metal. If that is not at all possible, then put on a shirt at the very least.

Love how the girl filming was like "Okay everyone in the house now". Yes it is now time to shut this whole filming in a lightning storm operation down. Perhaps she could have told him to seek shelter under a large tree or a telephone pole? This is the type of flawless decision-making and risk-management strategies that create Darwin awards.