Hello ladies, gents, unicorns, dryads, and all humanoid lifeforms of the Internets. Roflopagos Island is a place of whimsy and folly. It is a humor blog documenting the ridiculous, funny and odd things of our glorious Internets. Why rummage the Internet when I can do it for you?

What can you expect while you are here? It will be random, it will be unique, and if anything it might give you a hot, swift burst of humor to enhance your everyday life. Enjoy…

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The fates have spoken

This might be a giant clue that you need to give up your singing career. Think of the parameters that had to be just right for this parachute to meet face. The altitude, latitude and longitude of the plane, the strategic or not so strategic landing, the angle and height of the cliff face and the wind direction. This is a direct message from the laws of physics to kindly be quiet. Simon Cowell has nothing on physics.


Stranger Danger!

Okay...umm....I don't remember seeing this one as a kid. But if I did, I would never speak to an adult again. Even now, as an adult myself, I would be a recluse. Oh no, then I would be the creepy stranger! This video has the potential to create a vicious, creepy adult cycle.

Where did they get these people? They are all incredibly creepy, even the women. These actors are good...almost too good. Did the director walk down a dark alley one night and hire anyone he met along the way? I see a whole lot of life imitating art going on.

Check out the "video director" stranger. Children need to avoid any man that has that hairstyle. That's not opinion, that's science. It's also best that children avoid women with bowl cuts that talk with their eyes closed. Also, don't fall into the "hero trap" kids...although professional photographers that look like "Woogie" from Something about Mary may appear heroic, it's just a ruse. I also didn't know that pizza delivery guys were considered "authority" to kids. I hope the child actor that was paired with the creepy dog killer is okay and not on too much Xanax as an adult.

- Lolski

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Boostalk' s gonna Rawk You

This is the direct result of Youtube. Youtube creates dreams. Youtube shatters dreams. Unfortunately in this example, it's the latter. Internet commenters have an uncanny ability to take a person down a notch. Either that or increase self-deception. Boostalk can either take their "This is ghey" or "Worst song ever" and think to himself "Maybe this is my last attempt at rapping?" or he can say "Whateva, these hatas don't understand how good I am". Just like those people that cry into the camera after a failed audition on American Idol. "Simon's an asshole! I'll show him. They'll be sorry when I'm rich and famous!". First thing's first Boostalk, you might not want to put "Boo" in your stage name. Just a thought. Boos do talk...they talk loud and clear.

There's a major thing missing in all of these folks: self-insight. How about a realistic inventory of one's strengths and talents? This is where friends and family come in. Unfortunately, when it comes to the Arts...most people don't want to tell someone they suck ass. Well Youtube picks up where friends and family fail. It's a tough and cruel reality check. The Internet is the ultimate lie detector.


Moron gets Pwned

In what situation or era has it ever been okay to run up behind a horse and clap loudly? Has this ever been advised? No. Has this ever been encouraged? No. It's like I always say, you can't lead a horse to water when he's too busy owning an idiot behind him. It's bad enough that the horse has to deal with those confusing trumpets in the background. If I was stuck in that maddening, horn instrument festival I'd cartwheel through the crowd, kicking wildly. I might even throw in a log roll or two. All in the name of a quick escape.


Monday, September 28, 2009

Grandpa saves the day!

This guy is seriously the best. He doesn't let his arthritis and blood pressure stop him from being a super hero! How brave is he? He totally owns this punk criminal. All us young spring chickens can learn a thing or two from him. He's my hero:)


What do I gotta do?

Do I gotta get water from the moon? Nasa recently announced that astronauts have confirmed the discovery of water on the moon. Pretty cool news if you ask me. There is one person, however, for whom this news does not bode well. Somewhere deep in the heart of a Las Vegas condo, Celine Dion is on her knees screaming "Noooooooo, I curse thee Nasa!". With this recent news, Celine's early 90's hit Water from the Moon is now defunct. Sorry Celine, next time you might wanna change it to Dark Matter from Andromeda.

So, essentially, before this discovery, water on the moon was the equivalent of When Pigs Fly. So, I can therefore look forward to the day when pigs can be found perched on trees and fire escapes. No more bacon for anyone. :(

- Lolski

Obama is a wax statue

I came across this video detailing the day of pictures Obama took at the UN meeting last week. I've come to the conclusion that they had a wax statue stand-in for him for pictures. The real Obama was miles away screaming "Suck it, foreign leaders!". I wish I had a wax statue of him in my apartment. We'd have a jolly good time. I would bring him everywhere....meetings, school, Wal-Mart. Though we'd have to avoid certain places like saunas and hot tubs. People and Okay magazine would do a story about us. The headline would be "Obama seen Canoodling in Canada". Pretty soon Michelle would knock on my door and tell me to quit it. I'd have to grudgingly relent after taking one look at her mighty biceps.


Saturday, September 26, 2009

All the Single Babies

Okay, this song's still not going away...But I'm kind of thankful that it's still pretty big amongst the baby/child population. This is pretty dang funny, even if I do want to punch Beyonce in the face for forcing her crotch moves on my poor, poor eyes yet again. Why are unitards all of a sudden overpopulating the universe? You know what, you can blame damn GaGa for that one. Everywhere I go, vagina grabbin' cameltoes. I'd like to see normal girls wearing unitard onesies out on a Friday night and see how well that works out. Stares and snickers would be had no matter what your size.

Remember the one-peice women's bathing suits in the 80's and early 90's where the legs went up so high creating an illusion of a super long crotch and torso and really long legs? Those were the best. Everyone looked like an 80's rocker video babe in those. I say we bring them back. Let's bring back the high waisted mom jeans too. They weren't mom jeans in the 80's let me tell ya! Everyone has a gunt in those. Ya I said it...gunt.

- Lolski

Friday, September 25, 2009

A Handbaaag??!!!

Where has this been all of my life? I sat replaying this for 15 minutes. The last syllable turns into a song and changes octaves. This is the equivalence of a "Well I never!". The only thing missing is a monacle.

Either this is the best thing on the Internets or my standards have been falling to dangerously low levels of late. Once is not good enough...it must be replayed a minimum of 10 times. Legend has it that this is from a line in a movie based on Oscar Wilde's play The Importance of Being Earnest. Whatever it is...it has struck a very powerful chord in me and will never lose it's allure no matter how many times I play it.



It's the Earthquake Buttshake folks!

This is pure genius. Think...the creepiness of PitBull matched with annoyance of Lil'John. Any man that can wear cut-off jean shorts for the sake of rofls is A-Okay in my books. There's a certain part of the song that will have you LOLing without your consent. You'll know what I'm talking about...there isn't a stitch of enunciation in those lines. I dare you to try and guess what he's saying...

Also duly noted: Lightening bolt design mutton chops and a club scene that's really set in someones living room. The makeshift strobelight by flicking on and off the light and the thermostat on the wall gives it away.

Great job fellas...you might not be number 1 on the charts, but you are number 1 in my heart.

- Lolski

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Major disaster waiting to happen

Wild animals and defenseless humans mix like...well...oil and water, egg salad sandwiches and cafeteria popularity in grade nine, men and capris (some might argue these two go hand and hand but I say "fie on thee" to my detractors), mullets and scissors...and...you get the gist.

There's something especially sad about a bear playing a trumpet. I don't know what it is. Not that I'm not thoroughly entertained by it. Shouldn't they be eating berries and killin' salmon? Not doing somersaults for gawking idiots. This reminds me of that Simpsons episode where "Gentle Ben" the bear Talk Show host starts tearing up the crowd in the studio and the guy goes up to Ben and says "No, Ben. No." Baahahah that line kills me every time.

It's only a matter of time before this bear tears through a crowd. People will ask "Geesh, you know, I don't know what came over him?". How about, umm, he's a wild animal and should be, oh I don't know...not in a crowded stadium. But their funny hats are so dang cute so we might see more performin' bears yet.


Even leaders get crotchety

Imagine a cranky old guy. Now imagine being forced to listen to his cranky fussing inside the General Assembly at the UN. I don't know much about Libya, much less about their leader Moammar Gadhafi. One thing I do know is a curmudgeon when I see one.

Gadhafi recently gave a rambling speech to the UN. At one point he complained about the jet lag from having to travel so far to the meeting and apparently had jotted his hour and a half speech on crumpled pieces of paper. By the end of the speech half the audience had walked out. I wonder if other world leaders rolled their eyes when his back was turned. I bet they passed notes to each other saying "Bored, too long! Wanna bounce in 5?"

Don't get me wrong, I have a fondness for old, grumpy men. I'm seriously looking forward to being an angry, old bird. I'll tell all the children on my block to mind their manners. They better stay outta mah tomaters!


I'm supposed to throw this right?

Aah lil kids are funny. They choose the most inopportune times to follow direction. Put them in some type of grocery store or bank line-up situation and they'll do the exact opposite. Check out this dad and his sweet-ass catch. Ouch. She was just doing what she saw...balls are for throwing, not holding quietly.

- Lolski

Friday, September 18, 2009

If you're not first, you're last

So buddy bails directly on the finish line. He asks an ever important question "Did I win?". Yes you won. You won top prize in the poindexter awards. Many have been vying for the prize all year. You sir are the one that took it down.

I'm as clumsy as they get. For some reason I was reasonably good at sports in high school. I remember a friends's dad came to one of my volleyball games because his daughter was also on the team. He made a remark to the effect of "Wow, I wouldn't have expected you to be so good at sports". To this day, I'm still not sure how to take that. Okay, compliment it is! I probably went for a smoke right after the game and followed it up with some underage drinking. Being a contradiction is fun!


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Brattiest Kid in the World

If you think you've seen kids with behavioural problems, this kid takes the cake. He goes downright ballistic on his mom in some office building. Wait for the end, it will bring true rofls. Somebody needs a time out...or a Ritalin.

- Lolski

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Gimme maah pizza!

Yeah, so Jim Breuer is a douche. I thought he'd be cool because he was on SNL and was the funny stoned hippy in Half Baked. But noooo, he's an actual douche bag. Here he is doing a commercial for Pizza Hut and he flips out on a prop guy because he wants to take a bite out of the pizza. Prop guy doesn't want that to happen and hijincks ensue. I guess prop guy is kind of douchey too. It's an all round douchey situation.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Douchebag wants to FIGHT

Everyone loves to poke fun at douchebags. We've all seen them. Heck you may even be one. This muscle toting macho man is bringing "Nick" the fight of his life via webcam. Beautiful added touches to note:

-Shirtless guy in the background with shades on

-50 cent snippet playing during the video to create ambiance and context

-Patron mothafucka!

If you have never seen this classic douchebag parody then you must

If you are unsure of what a douchebag is or whether you could classify yourself as one, here are some fine specimens:


I'm baaack!

So...I've been on a brief hiatus because of school crap....but I'm back...sorta. After this weekend the rofls will be doled out swiftly,efficiently and with as much vigour as before. In the meantime, I'll have a few LOLs coming your way....

To get warmed up, here is my favorite picture in the world. Why can't I be a part of this beautiful gaggle of Buseys?


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Yikes...is all I can say

Okay this one is a bit disturbing, a bit funny, and a bit horror invoking. I found myself laughing, then feeling bad, then laughing, then feeling sorry for the poor camel, then for the poor lady, then finally laughing again. It's an all round awful situation. The camel sounds extremely upset. In fact, he sounds terrified.

Oh Internet, will you ever stop making me horrified and entertained at the same time? I think not. You wouldn't be the Internet if you did. You'll keep on exposing society's embarrassments for a millenia to come. By then you will be the Interbrain. We will no longer need computers, we will just upload to our brains. Technology is fun!


British Animals

Adding a British accent to anything makes it seem both sophisticated and funny. I wish I had a British accent inner monologue. My thoughts would be so entertaining. I don't know if I'd prefer a man British voice or a lady. They are equally appealing I guess. As long as it said "quite" and "dodgy" a lot, I'd be happy. The only British voice I find annoying is dang Keira Knightley. Wait maybe it's not her voice and just her face. If she pouts one more time in a movie and gives that dumb, looking off in the distance, trying to be sultry look one more time, I'm gonna lose my shit. No joke, Keira. Enough. You make every movie you are in unenjoyable to watch simply because of this pout. Don't get me started on those Pirates of the Carribean movies.

Here is a series of videos from a British TV series "Walk on the Wild Side". I was rofling so hard I think I might have peed a little during the Allan/Steve one. I bet my cat would sound a lot like Emma Watson, the one that plays Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies, if she were British.

- Lolski

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Parenting/ Coaching 101

Aah yes. The classic little-league coach fight. If this isn't a fun-filled jamboree of family entertainment, then I don't know what is. Wonder how this one started? Uh huh...here goes:

Coach 1: That was a foul and you know it!

Coach 2: Foul? Foul? What...like foul like your wife's face.

Coach 1: Jim, I told you to stop that shit.

Coach 2: What, you gonna do about it...we all know you can't swing worth shit?!

Coach 1: All right, that does it!

And then fight ensues. Mix testosterone with vicariously living dreams through your kids and you have a whole mess o' trouble. What would have made this video even better is if the wives stepped in and a catfight erupted on the sidelines.

- Lolski

Thanks ladies...way to ruin their chances

Another fail video is in order. These guys over at FailBlog sure know to keep human failure fun and upbeat. These two ladies obliterated these dog's chances of getting adopted. What if these doggies had a Daddy Warbucks coming their way? Now they'll never find parents. They'll be singing "Tomorrow...Tomorrow" forever in some dingy little shelter cage. I bet they'll be too sad to do a choreographed dance. Thanks a lot ladies, couldn't fake it even a little on camera?

- Lolski