Hello ladies, gents, unicorns, dryads, and all humanoid lifeforms of the Internets. Roflopagos Island is a place of whimsy and folly. It is a humor blog documenting the ridiculous, funny and odd things of our glorious Internets. Why rummage the Internet when I can do it for you?

What can you expect while you are here? It will be random, it will be unique, and if anything it might give you a hot, swift burst of humor to enhance your everyday life. Enjoy…

Thursday, October 22, 2009

How to get your assed kicked

Ever wonder how you can stop a bully? Try falling on the ground and feebly kicking the air with your foot. This video will illustrate sure-fire ways to keep the bullies coming back for more. I love all of their far-fetched examples too. If you happen to have a magazine handy, why not just take the 5 seconds you need to roll it up and try and use it as a weapon? I'm sure the bully will wait his turn while you roll it. Holding your hand out and making a stop sign is also guaranteed to strike fear in the hearts of your predators. Who ignores stop signs? No one that's who.

Was there a rule in 1992 that all children should have waterfall bangs? Even the guys had them. It must be a leftover from the 80's. I had them, you had them, we all had them. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. The higher and crunchier the better. Combine it with a bowl cut and you got yourself a glass of sass.


Avril's Creepy Uncle

Well I haven't posted in a week and thought it was high time that I jumped on old Roflopagos and give you guys something to show your family and friends. This video is especially appropriate for grandmothers and young children. Okay...I was just lying right there. The following video is not appropriate for the aged or the tots. It's probably also not something you want to be caught watching when your boss walks by either.

This dapper gent has decided to share his feelings and thoughts through song and dance. What his thoughts are, one can only guess. I'm going to place my bets on serial killin' and peepin' Toming. Curiously enough, many of his accessories are directly out of Avril Lavigne's wardrobe circa 2002. Instead of a tie around his neck, he went and put it around his scrotum. It's quite creative if you ask me. His crotchal region is kind of like the sun. If you stare too long you will burn your retinas. Scary stuff folks.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

FACT: We're surfin' machines

Check out this lil gem of a video. I love it when videos put sweet factoids together in a neat little package. Computers are taking over the world. Correction: Bloggers are taking over the world. Google something...anything and you can bet your bottom dollar that you'll find a blogger's article on that subject. We bloggers are not always accurate, don't always provide you with legitimate expertise and will most likely give you our humble or not so humble opinion on a topic at hand. But dangnabbit, we've got heart! And we keep you entertained...you can't put a price on entertainment folks. So throw away your shoddy newspapers and makeshift paper magazines and get Googling!


Ouch my eyes!

I saw this the other night on TV and was really grossed out. That dang Napa AutoPro knew what they were doing when they released this commercial. How does one wash ones brain and eyeballs? Eww, and the song makes it even worse. "We're gonna party...toniggghht...". No, we're not gonna party tonight, we're gonna get creeped out tonight. And the cop is like "Aww shucks you crazy kids!". I'd be like "Alright out of the car now. You are both being shipped to a home come dawn".

This commercial is like the commercial equivalent of Sixth Sense. M. Night Shymalan had to be in on the trick ending. Why can't he make any more good movies to save his life? I was on a date with some guy the night I saw Sixth Sense in the theatre. The dude I was with had the voice of a 14 year old girl. It was surprising too because he didn't look like a dude with a shrilly chick voice. He, in essence, Sixth Sensed me when he opened his mouth for the first time. I remember him sing-songing in my ear "I knew he was a ghost!". My only thought was "This dude's voice is higher then mine and he's a filthy liar". There's no WAY he knew Bruce Willis was a ghost. Wanna know how I know? He was too busy looking around and smiling at me throughout the movie and whispering nonsense in my ear. Needless to say we didn't date again.


Friday, October 9, 2009

Eww...just Eww

Those eating a tuna sammuch or some type of snack need to finish up before you watch this video. This girl is...how do you say? Gross. Why not just give 'er in public? Why not just go for the gold? But don't forget to give it a good sniff before you get to the cashier. You never know when you'll get an opportunity like this again.

She's no better then this little dude. But at least he has the excuse of being non-homosapien. Ugh...sick. So men...beware when you see a hot chick. You have NO idea what she was doing in the minutes before you held her hand. Big brother always watches...there's a camera on every corner. Why haven't people figured that out yet?


Cheeky Bird!

Even rare parrots need to get theirs. I love his style of courtship. I bet he gets all the rainforest ass! I'm a sucker for the wing-face-slap myself. What, with his Victorian Gentleman's face and all...what middle-aged male photographer could resist? I'm quite partial to the Victorian mutton chop handlebar mustache. If you happen to look like Colonel Mustard in the study with the candlestick, I'm putty in your arms.

I was born in the wrong century. I should have been born in the late 1800's in England...I could have been a stuffy aristocratic Dame that say's a whole lot of "Harrumphs!" and "I never!". I would have rolled my R's like nobody's business and would have stared judgmentally at passersby behind a giant, shiny monocle.


Thursday, October 8, 2009

Fail became a Win!!

I just love it when things work out magically. Because of entropy and the ever infamous Murphy's law most stuff doesn't work out and things mostly go from shit to complete and utter shit pretty fast. But thanks to random quantum fluctuations or QuanFluxes as I endearingly like to call them, total fails can become massive wins. The power of QuanFluxes can generally be harnessed by the Flux Capacitor FYI.

Just take a gander at this lucky SOB. He could have been the victim of yet another unoriginal skateboard fail. There's more skateboard fails out there then there are melancholy Emo kids strumming a sad tune in their rooms. But this...this is great. This proves that the highly unlikely still happens. Thanks miraculous skateboard kid!


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Best Love Advice Ever!

If you've never seen Fred and Sharon, well then you must. They are a kooky Canadian couple that provide free love advice to all the celebrities in Hollywood. And they do so using the latest in animation technology to boot. I dare you to find better animation and graphics!

Jennifer Aniston needs to hire these guys so she can land herself a relationship that sticks. She bothers me for some reason and I just can't put my finger on why. Maybe it's her endless array of ridiculously good movies. And would it kill her to play a role that doesn't involve a woman desperate to find love? She's only feeding into the stereotypes. Always a leading lady and never a bride. Ouch. I'm probably just jealous because I would kill to be Brad's ex-wife. Maybe Brangelina would adopt me and let me live in their pool house? I've got big plans....big plans I tells ya.


Frisky Pastor

Somebody was hitting the sacramental wine a little too vigorously...

Swedish mourners seek damages over 'drunk' pastor

A Swedish family is seeking damages of nearly 30,000 euros (£27,500) after a Protestant pastor performed a funeral service in an apparently drunk state, the Church of Sweden said on Friday.The pastor also raised eyebrows for apparently flirtatious behaviour towards the dead man's family members. He kissed the hand of the deceased's daughter and gave an exaggerated hug to the 20-year-old granddaughter, the family said in a letter to the former state church.

"Everything seemed to go perfectly well until this pastor came in mumbling for 30 minutes," the family said in the letter, complaining that he had alcohol on his breath. "Nobody, among his servers or in the audience, understood what he was saying."

"The first thing we will now remember thinking about our loved one is the drunk pastor," they added.

Apart from the 300,000 kronor (£27,500) the family also asked for a refund of the funeral expenses.

The Church of Sweden, which ceased to be a state church in 2000, confirmed to AFP that it had received the complaint, saying the issue was being investigated.


See, this would be funny in another situation. But a funeral can put the breaks on the humor of a drunk pastor pretty fast. Poor granddaughter that got the "exaggerated" hug. Ewww, many a lady have experienced this ambitious and overzealous hug from a pervy, elderly gentleman. It's not pleasant. You are left wondering "Did that just happen?". We need one of these for this very situation ladies. They'll think twice before they get frisky again!

She's a Maneater!

If Hall and Oats were still kicking it, this lady would be number one on their list for an avant garde, 80's style video. She will creep you out and make you feel weird about the few times you danced in front of the mirror and never got caught. The "Maneater" dance is eerily similar to Buffalo Bill's naked "tucked in" dance in The Silence of the Lambs. You know the one.

When I first saw these videos, I of course was horror-stricken...but then I thought "Hey, you know what. She's having fun". And then I quickly realized that these dress-up dancing moments are not made for public consumption. They are private moments between you and your hairbrush microphone. It takes a "special" person to actually upload these for the world to see. And by "special" I mean Coo Coo for Coco Puffs.


Monday, October 5, 2009

Here's some classics

Some dude put together a video of of 100 of the greatest Youtube classics...it's a pretty good compilation in my humble opinion set to some real snazzy tunes. How did we point and laugh at the misfortunes of others before Youtube? Oh right, we left our houses.

Here's some of my favorites that didn't make the cut:

Spelling Bee Champ

Parrot singing Opera

Little Superstar

How to poop


Snuggie parody

Dramatic cupcake dog

Best John Mayer fan

Kittens inspired by Kittens

Worst Rap Battle Ever



Spidergoat, Spidergoat...friendly rural cliff Spidergoat! Check out this crazy-ass goat climbing up sheer vertical cliffs with ease and pizazz! I can't even shimmy up a footstool without feeling all wobbly and unsafe. A goat-human hybrid would be pretty cool...kind of like this guy. Humans really got unlucky in the defying gravity department. We can't fly or stick to walls without the aid of some serious technology.

But guess where we really lucked out? Yep, you guessed it...our personal greeting rituals. Imagine having to smell your bosses butt and no no zones every morning? In order to recognize whether a person is a friend or foe you would have to march into their washroom and stick your head in their toilet. Now don't you feel lucky? I sure do.


Thursday, October 1, 2009

Poor Gaga

Poor Lady Gaga...she got electrocuted at a recent show. Okay, maybe just electrocuted virtually via Youtube. I love Youtube user edits. They're my favorite. I love the way their minds work. It takes some time to put together a good edit and I just want to let all of you guys know that I appreciate your hard work. You can take a hammy performance by Gaga and turn it into a grand masterpiece. Here are a couple of my other favorite edits: Full House, Star Trek. And this edit showcases the best parts of this amazingly awesome, Oscar-worthy movie.